I bought my first car when I was 18 and it was fraught with problems.
The previous owner had poorly customized the Mercury Capri, as I would discover.
That’s why the dealership offered it at a price I could afford.
My dad, an expert haggler, drove the price even lower. He repeatedly deployed the time-honored leveraging tactic of threatening to leave.
“You’ve got to do better than that, Tim, unless you want us to walk out of here and take our money down the street.”
Unfortunately, the amount I paid for the car was surpassed by what it ended up costing me to get the car through inspection. And it still kept breaking down.
Weeks later, while sitting next to Dad in the office of a local auto shop as the shop owner gave us the bad news –– I distracted myself by studying the paneled wall.
What stood out, besides the PG-rated “cheesecake” calendar, was a sign that read: THIS OFFICE IS GUARDED BY A SHOTGUN 3 NIGHTS A WEEK. YOU GUESS WHICH NIGHTS.
It was essentially an analogue version of a meme, but the nuance was lost on this literal-minded teen.
My immediate impression was that the business had been the target of burglars, and the fed-up owner was going to extremes.
In the scene that would play out in my head, the owner would yell to one of the mechanics under a car in the garage: “Jake, you’re on shotgun duty tomorrow night.”
Besides the logistics of having an armed overnight guard, I was troubled by the paradox of this posting. Ostensibly intended to convey to potential burglars that this business isn’t one to be messed with, the sign was on an interior wall in the office where it’s seen almost exclusively by customers.
Does he think I’m one of the burglars?
Although the humor was lost in me, the truth is you don’t really know who might be casing your property.
As you’ve probably heard in the national news, there’s been a number of home break-ins targeting professional athletes.
On July 16, thieves broke into the Scottsdale, Ariz., home of Katel Marte, second-baseman for the Arizona Diamondbacks. Marte, who was in Atlanta for the Major League All-Star Game at the time, told the press that he lost about $400,000 worth of items. As with the other break-ins of star athletes’ homes, the burglars apparently knew the home was loaded with especially valuable items, and that no one was home.
It’s easy to know when a pro athlete will be on the road because their teams’ schedules are publicized. Plus, pro athletes make most of their money within a few short years and like to display the fruits of their sudden wealth on social media, making them tempting targets.
When I first heard about some of these break-ins of athletes’ palatial estates, I felt some empathy. No one deserves to have the sanctity of their home tarnished that way.
I also wondered why they don’t hire guards.
Or, at least, post a sign warning that the home was guarded by a shotgun almost half the nights each week.
Source: Berkshire mont
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